How to Avoid 114 Minutes of Ghost Rider

I am not a YouTube lurker.  I don’t often browse Tumblr, Cracked, Instagram, Twitter  or Pinterest.  When I’m not reading blogs online, what I’m doing is watching movie trailers.  Either at trailers.apple.com or at IMDB.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this fixation before.  I’m passionate about movies–or films as a true aficionado would call them–but I often suspect that I’m even more passionate about movie trailers.  Previews.

They’re entire stories shrunk down into two-minute reels.  They often feature a fantastic song or two.  They show you the best of the movie they’re selling.  The most exciting, most beautiful, most romantic parts of the thing.  And in that way they spare you the mystery that comes with watching movies; you never have to wonder if it will actually be good or not.  You never have to regret wasting your money or your time.  You will never again have to suffer through ONE-HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN MINUTES OF GHOST RIDER (which remains to this day the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theatres.  I would have walked out had it not been a date).  You can simply watch the trailer, absorb the high points, and continue on with your day, free of anguish.

Here are a few of my current favorite trailers, for your enjoyment.  I may see the full movies later, I may not.  And that’s okay.

1. Romeo & Juliet

2. Prince Avalanche

3. Austenland

4. The Lifeguard

5. Her

6. Saving Mr. Banks

7. Ain’t Them Bodies Saints

This is What I Do in my Spare Time

I watch movie trailers.  And then I speculate about them.  I also stay up until 5 am studying for midterms.  And then I have a breakdown in the middle of the Student Center.

Actually, that one hasn’t happened yet.

Anyway, these are the movies I am currently engrossed in:

1. Hitchcock.  I saw this for the first time last night, and it immediately became apparent that Anthony Hopkins will win an Oscar.  He just will.  Watch it and you’ll see.  I mean, DDL looks great as Lincoln, and PSH, though everything he does creeps the heck out of me, will surely be nominated for The Master, but Hopkins is transcendent.  Utterly transcendent.

2. Les Miserables. I know I’ve already talked about this film, but the fact that the singing will not be dubbed is worth mentioning.  Entire movies have been spoiled for me because I’ve discovered ahead of time that an actor was wearing a wig, or a fat suit, or lifts.  As much as  it’s important for one to be able to lose oneself in a film, the illusion is always very delicate, in my opinion.  Real live singing will help immensely.

3. Wuthering Heights.  You see, this is my favorite Bronte novel.  Jane Eyre didn’t do anything for me, but Wuthering Heights is visceral and dark and fascinating.  I’m not sure what I think of the look of the film yet.  The twangy music is an interesting choice, although for me it conjures up Civil War, not English moors. (sorry about the rhyme)

4. Identity Thief.  I’m picky about comedies.  I suppose most people are.  The last comedy, however, that had me crying tears of mirth was Bridesmaids.  So naturally, if Melissa McCarthy is finally getting a lead comedic role, I’m on board.

5. Stoker.

Things Are Afoot

It’s Saturday night, and things are afoot.

I worked two concessions shifts at the theatre, between which I tiptoed in to actually watch the movie.  It was Brave, and I thought it was pretty wonderful, although definitely not what I expected.  More bears and magic than I anticipated, to be brief.  But plenty of laughs (once again I outstripped all children in the audience in that department).  And, forgive me, but I spent much of the movie being mesmerized by the heroine’s hair.  It was like a separate character.

Up forever has my heart in the world of Disney-Pixar.

Then, needing fresh air, and an escape from the smell of popcorn and the slick of grease between my fingers, I went for a bike ride around town, looping back through campus just as it got dark.

And now, because a good friend of mine is in Morris, and because I’d like to feel like a college student for an evening, and not like a responsible adult, we’re going on a hike.  Destination will not be disclosed at this time.

Also, I just have to tack this on the end, because I shrieked with delight when I watched the trailer this afternoon.  Joe Wright is one of my favorite directors, not just because his films are exquisite, because he turns good books into good movies, and because he appreciates the force of Keira Knightley’s acting as I do (yes, I can defend that statement), but because he does period films.  Period films.  Period.

The Small Town Theater

Stats midterm tomorrow.

American Tropics Lit. essay outline due tomorrow.

I may be pulling my first legitimate all-nighter of the year.

Also, I have watched this trailer at least three times a day for the past few days, and while I will certainly find a way to see it come July 25th, it’s unfortunate that movies like this don’t come to small-town theaters.  Because small-town folks obviously can’t appreciate the low-budget quirkiness that is an Indie Film.  No, give us Transformers 3.  Give us The Lucky One.  Give us anything and everything with Nicholas Cage, and we’ll be perfectly happy.  We’ll even leave our pitchforks outside the theater.