Why I can’t be Pat Sajak

Tonight, I learned that I can never be a game show host.  Not that it was a particular goal of mine anyway, but still.  It’s good to get these things cleared up before it’s too late and I’m awkwardly lip-kissing contestants in front of a flashing board.

Partly because of my role in student government, and partly because I was in the right place at the right time, I was asked to co-host UMM’s first annual Minute to Win It competition.  We were hooked up with lapel microphones, given cue sheets, and shooed onto a feltboard stage.

At first it was a hard to be entertaining and witty and charming because the crowd was small and unenthusiastic.  As the night went on, however (we did this for two hours, which may not seem like much, but which was tiring and thirst-inducing), I became a little more comfortable, and a little less concerned about how I looked or sounded.  This meant, of course, that I said/did some dopey things.

Example: to buy some time while the next activity was being set up, we led the audience in a Simon Says competition.  I was sick of saying the old “Simon says raise your right hand, Simon says raise your left hand,” and instead decided to go with “Simon says wiggle your butt.”  They did it, because there was a cash prize involved, but I got some weird looks.

And then there was the moment when I decided to go backstage briefly to ask the crew if we could have two of the water bottles that had been used for a previous activity.  This wasn’t entirely my fault, because how was I supposed to know that when wearing a microphone, you’re not supposed to walk in front of the speakers?  But I walked in front of the speakers.  And the feedback was deafening.  Perhaps worse was that they wouldn’t give me the water, claiming to need it for something else.

Overall, it was fun, and I’m glad I got to take part, but it’s exhausting to perform for such a long stretch.  I think, in the game show department at least, I’d rather be winning the three-bedroom RV than leading the giveaway events.

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Yet Another List (But This One Has Pat Sajak)

Over the course of the evening, I have:

1. Made these chocolate chip cookies, which are roughly the circumference and thickness of chewy hockey pucks.  That was meant to sound tantalizing.  Anyway, they’re good, and worth the extra preparation steps.

2. Worked out on the gym machine that’s part stair-stepper, part elliptical, with attached TVs.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  I didn’t want to run, as I was still a little full from dinner, so I figured that this unnamed machine may be smoother on my stomach.  I was completely wrong, of course, and had to stop periodically to protect the latest episode of Gossip Girl from projectile vomit.  Still, it was nice to take a break from the treadmill, though I suspect that I’ll have trouble walking tomorrow.

3.  Made significant progress on my senior project.  Right now, it looks like it will concern the role of fortune in Renaissance romance literature.  The title will include a Pat Sajak reference, which I WILL KEEP at all costs.  If my senior project must consist of writing a 12-15 page research paper, and then reading an 8 page excerpt to a room full of professors, parents, and peers, then I at least need a spark of humor to keep said people alert and engaged.  Who doesn’t love a good Pat Sajak reference?

Back to Morris tomorrow.

I promise I’ll regain my ability to write in complete sentences soon.