How to Avoid 114 Minutes of Ghost Rider

I am not a YouTube lurker.  I don’t often browse Tumblr, Cracked, Instagram, Twitter  or Pinterest.  When I’m not reading blogs online, what I’m doing is watching movie trailers.  Either at trailers.apple.com or at IMDB.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this fixation before.  I’m passionate about movies–or films as a true aficionado would call them–but I often suspect that I’m even more passionate about movie trailers.  Previews.

They’re entire stories shrunk down into two-minute reels.  They often feature a fantastic song or two.  They show you the best of the movie they’re selling.  The most exciting, most beautiful, most romantic parts of the thing.  And in that way they spare you the mystery that comes with watching movies; you never have to wonder if it will actually be good or not.  You never have to regret wasting your money or your time.  You will never again have to suffer through ONE-HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN MINUTES OF GHOST RIDER (which remains to this day the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theatres.  I would have walked out had it not been a date).  You can simply watch the trailer, absorb the high points, and continue on with your day, free of anguish.

Here are a few of my current favorite trailers, for your enjoyment.  I may see the full movies later, I may not.  And that’s okay.

1. Romeo & Juliet

2. Prince Avalanche

3. Austenland

4. The Lifeguard

5. Her

6. Saving Mr. Banks

7. Ain’t Them Bodies Saints

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Round Up

Number of pages in the study guide I’ve been working on all evening: 10

Number of multiple choice questions on my physics final: 50

Number of naps I’ve taken: 1

Hours I’ve spent packing today: 0

Pandora stations I’ve listened to: 5

IMDB checks: 6

Times I’ve thought to myself “In less than twenty-four hours I’ll be home free, hurtling through South Dakota in a van packed with family and books”: 104 and counting

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

If there’s anything I love more than movies, it is the people who act in them.  Yes, I adore my celebrities.  I track them on Twitter, I see what their upcoming projects are on IMDB, I laugh at their failings in US Magazine.  But mostly, I wait all year for the Academy Awards, where all my favorite people come together to wear gorgeous clothes, to drink large quantities of champagne without shame, and to receive deserved (and undeserved) awards for their craft.  I love to see actors as themselves.  I love that Julia Roberts is left-handed (she faked it in Erin Brockovich because the real woman is a righty).  I love that Natalie Portman makes dirty jokes and Nicole Kidman is from Australia (which I realize after 10 minutes of “where did this accent come from?”).  I love that half of them can’t figure out which side of the stage to exit on, even though they’ve been watching people up there ALL NIGHT.

I love how giddy everyone is, how wide a berth Meryl Streep is given as she sashays down the red carpet in a bubble of touchmenoti’vebeenwinningOscarssincebeforeyouwereborn.  I love it when Ryan Seacrest practically has to beg to get an actor to come and talk to him.  I love when they ignore him and continue posing for the press.  I love the transparent jokes he makes to hide the fact that he just got the cold shoulder.

I love this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And I think this is hilarious:

Stay gold, everyone.  And if you don’t, make a quick exit to the powder room, because the cameras will be on you.

 

Stage Beauty

I watched this tonight:

And it was phenomenal and thought-provoking and made me wonder why in the world movies like this don’t get Oscar nominations.

And why people like Billy Crudup, who performs well every time I see him (Big Fish, anyone?  Almost Famous?) don’t get Oscars, and people like Nicholas Cage, who chooses to do films such as Knowing and  Ghost Rider, do (I wish I were lying; check his IMDB page).

Besides Stage Beauty, I also checked out out the Ethan Hawke Hamlet, and The Hours.  You can see what kind of cinematic mood I’m in this weekend.

In other news, I need to write a 15-20 page short story by the end of February.  Not only have I not started said story, but I currently have no ideas whatsoever.  This is not for lack of effort; I’ve been thinking and thinking for three weeks now.

Can I just steal some F. Scott and pass it off as mine?  Do you think anyone would notice?

Stress-Relieving Chocolate Hamsters

Here’s what we do in M6 when the Mondays get us down:

1.  We hold Feezap, the tumor-afflicted hamster who still manages at least 1,000 wheel reps a night.  Feezap is small, grey, and unassuming.  I try to give him a smile and an affectionate “Bye Feez” when I pass his cage on my way to class, but sometimes I forget.  Tonight, Feez, after crawling around my hand for a while, gave my finger a sniff and then gnawed on it for a few seconds, until he was satisfied that all of the blueberry lemon hand soap had dissolved between his tiny teeth.

2.  We make devil’s food instant pudding, and do our best to ignore the powdery taste that inevitably lingers in instant puddings.   It is chocolate, after all.

3.  Finally, we go into our rooms, shut the door, and sit down at our desks.  We stare at our bulletin boards for a few minutes, blankly taking in the Obama Inaugural, the Beatles Rubber Soul, the Support the U buttons that we pinned up on earlier, more earnest days.  Our readings have been printed.  There is no excuse for Twitter, for Facebook, for IMDB (me), for CollegeHumor (Maddie).  Taking a few cleansing breaths, we set off into Studying, into the land where nobody dies except for Richard the Lionheart and historical figures like that.  It’s bright in Studying, and not unpleasant in the least.  We’re enlightened here, we’re intelligent and brave.  If only it wasn’t such a struggle to get through.