Friends, I am concussed. I say this with the utmost dignity, although the concussing itself was the opposite. My family was engaged in a raucous game of broomball on the lake, when I hit a particularly slick patch of ice. My feet went up in the air, my body flipped backwards, and I rapped my head against the ice. I have never put much stock in the phrase “she saw stars,” but stars I saw. I was okay afterwards, but my symptoms have developed as the days have gone on. I have headaches, dizziness, nausea, etc. The whole shebang.
It’s so strange that I have brain damage, that I managed to rattle my brain against my skull, and that now it’s hurting. The innermost part of me, the command center, is hurting. I imagine there’s a state of panic going on in there. I imagine red lights are flashing, alarms are sounding, and neurons are running around screaming.
Anyway, when I’m not having freak broomball accidents (of all sports, right?), I’m working at Target. As a matter of fact, I worked my last shift there this morning. In honor of such an occasion, I’m sharing with you a discarded shopping list I found back in the clearance Christmas aisles (also note that the handwriting is very much adult handwriting. I don’t know if it’s written in some kind of shorthand, or if it’s simply terrible spelling, but it’s entertaining regardless):
1 candy can jelly beans
P.S. I’ll give you a million brownie points if you can comment explaining the post title’s reference. No googling allowed.