Rick Santorum won Minnesota.
Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Believe it or not, the caucus I was at last night was the Republican caucus. I thought it would be a little more interesting, and I guess I was curious about how the other side operates.
They operate normally. Water was served. And coffee. And an opaque red liquid that we assumed to be fruit punch. People were wearing scrubs, and jumpsuits, slacks, and other just-got-off-work apparel. A toddler wearing a shirt that said “I am fiscally responsible” ran around the room, doling out waves and blown kisses.
I took note of all this, sitting at a table with others from Politics and Film. Most of us were Liberals, and thus denied name tags and banished off to the side. We exchanged some humorous eyebrow wiggles when the old “how many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb” joke was told.
When the actual Straw Poll began, we slipped out one by one, stealing redwhiteandblue mints as we passed the check-in table.
I hitched a ride back to campus, traipsed up to my room and my bed, and that was when I clicked to Huffpost and received the delightful news about a certain land of 10,000 lakes and a certain candidate who once said:
“Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?”
Way to pick a winner, Minnesota. Let’s try to get our act together by November.